Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
