And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
