hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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