did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
