were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
