If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
