take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
