sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
two words: eviction party
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
