Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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