a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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