i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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