do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
