fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
