i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
