I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize