I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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