I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
