When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
