There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
