Who wears a wallet chain?!
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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