How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
