White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
