i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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