Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
