So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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