there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
