Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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