Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I understand Curling. That high.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize