No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
