I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
