Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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