i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
