Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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