I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Randomize
