So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
