dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
No subtext here. People are naked.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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