Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
