How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize