Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
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