I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm experimenting with sincerity
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
