I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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