i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
