Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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