Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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