you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize