we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Randomize
