You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
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