So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
