when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
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