what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
