god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
