if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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