tell your sister to shave her snatch
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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