positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
