Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize