I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
