That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
