I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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