onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
