This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
