We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
