are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
MIDGETS
????
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
