why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
