God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I pour the whiskey from now on
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
