saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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