The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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