I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
