The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
