therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
