she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I am naked and annoyed.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
