Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
