We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
