i just wanna soil my oats bro
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
