Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
