she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
