dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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