Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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