Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
