Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
