I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
did i just pee glitter
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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