Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
love makes seman taste better
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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