I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
