Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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