btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
stop calling my apartment porn island.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
