I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
