We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
