In America we eat man semen.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
