if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
