what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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