FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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