i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
