Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
