well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
